Det er så mange tilgivelsespushere i verden: Mennesker som mener å vite at tilgivelse er veien til helbredelse.
Men tenk litt over det:
Sa Jesus “Jeg tilgir dere” til torturistene da han hang på korset?
Nei, han sa: “Far, tilgi dem, for de vet ikke hva de gjør.”
There are so many forgiveness pushers – people who insist that forgiveness is the only road to healing.
But think about it: When Jesus was hanging on the cross, did he say “I forgive you” to his tormentors?
He did not, he said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
Har ikke mer å si om det akkurat nå. Annet enn at jeg er svett i hendene og har vondt i magen.
An alwayswrong situation is a communications dilemma
where others know that our reactions are always wrong
and it is impossible to discuss the problem or resolve it.
In this situation confusion is a natural response,
and we can only get rid of the confusion by removing ourselves from the situation
Integrity is our mental skin,
Sometimes we have to suppress integrity damage
in order to survive.
Then we develop a mental armour instead.
We cannot feel harm done to us,
and sometimes we do not notice when we harm others.
(Norsk oversettelse kommer snart)
There are no monsters, though people can get stuck in Lizard Brain Mode, incapable of seeing or hearing anything except what is in their own heads.
So if someone you know, like or even love is accused of sexual use or child mistreatment, this person will not immediately morph into a monster the moment you are willing to allow the thought that the accuser might be telling the truth.
You will, of course, have to adjust your perception of this person to incorporate the new information. But that would be possible if he or she had harmed someone while driving drunk or embezzled a lot of money, wouldn’t it?
For me, the crucial point is not what they have done, but if they are willing to own it. There is a world of difference between:
“I did not do this, and you are evil/crazy for saying I did”
“I did it because …”
“X made me do it! “
“I did A, B and C – it is my responsibility, I own it.”
I would much rather hear “I own what I did” it, from someone who has harmed me, than “I’m sorry, please forgive me”. Or, even worse, “Do you want an apology?”
IMPORTANT ADDITION: If someone is trying to tell you how they have been harmed, you are not helping them if you keep reminding them that the harmers are not monsters, or if you ask “why do you think they did this?” (OK, this is a huge can of worms that needs to be looked at in greater detail)
Lenke til en tankevekkende artikkel i Marias Metode
Hva ville du gjøre om en du kjente og var glad i ble anklaget for seksuelt bruk eller mishandling av barn?
Hva ville du gjøre om barnet ditt fortalte at han eller hun var blitt brukt seksuelt?
What would you do if someone you knew and loved was accused of sexual use or mistreatment of children?
What would you do if your child told you that he or she had been sexually used?
English summary: I found this when I was sorting through some old papers yesterday.
It’s called “Synapses” and illustrates my way out of “OMGIDIDSOMETHINGWRONGIAMAHORRIBLEPERSONELEVENTY”
Will be translated as soon as possible.
Jeg ryddet i noen gamle papirer i går og fant dette:
Er det forståelig for andre enn meg?