nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just like diabetes or any other physical
amount of anti-stigma campaigns neutralize the wrongness that this word
: a confused or messy state
: a lack of order or organization
: a state or situation in
which there is a lot of noise, crime, violent behavior, etc.
medical : a physical or
mental condition that is not normal or healthy
Full Definition of
1 : lack of order
2 : breach of the peace or public order
Examples of DISORDER
The mayor is concerned
that a rally could create public disorder.
problems of crime and
Millions of people suffer
from some form of personality disorder.
Related to DISORDER
disarrangement, disarray, dishevelment, chaos, disorderedness, disorderliness,
disorganization, free-for-all, havoc, heck, hell, jumble, mare’s nest, mess,
messiness, misorder, muddle, muss, shambles, snake pit, tumble, welter
misrule, riot; knot, snarl, tangle; labyrinth, maze, web; maelstrom, storm;
bollix, clutter, litter, mishmash, shuffle; hodgepodge, medley, miscellany,
method, pattern, plan,
“It was a rude awakening for me when I realised helping and care taking can be a subtle disguise for self-gratification.”
— Patrick McCurry (@patrickmccurry1) March 1, 2015
“My shame-based inner self could feel…okay when I was preaching and helping.”
— Patrick McCurry (@patrickmccurry1) March 1, 2015
This is not about being addicted to being helped, it’s about being addicted to helping.
In my frame, addictions are a natural defense against the isolation that comes with being shunned by our herd because of wounds caused by border
violations and other trauma. And that is an explanation, not an excuse – everyone owns responsibility for dealing with their addictions.
One common and very “normal”, even “positive” addiction
is help addiction … distancing oneself from harm to one’s own childhood vulnerability by helping
others. I was a help addict for many
years, and I now see this as a near relative of violence: Instead of “I am powerful, I am
not helpless”, I did “I am helping, I am not helpless”.
Link here in case you can’t see the clip:
Brown: Are You Judging Those Who Ask For Help?
“How many of you are
comfortable asking for help?” Few hands go up.
“How many of you would
rather give help than ask for help?” Nearly all hands in the audience go up.
“When you cannot accept and
ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people help, you
are always doing so with judgment.”
Linking to a blog post by Monica Cassini: Healer heal thyself (to the mental health professional)
Clinicians are trained to never, ever identify with the client. Why? What is wrong with recognizing shared humanity, even a weakness or flaw, and bonding in that? In providing a safe container from that understanding? The mere instruction to avoid such intimacy at all costs seems like a violent denial of oneself and clients both. It seems indicative of a deep fear of ones own dark parts. How do we help others find their way out of the dark if we hide from our own darkness? Such identification may not always be appropriate to share, no doubt, it may also not be present with many clients. But when it is present and appropriate to share from such a place, with adequate boundaries in place, it can be an incredibly healing experience for both parties.
And I recently came across a blog post by Clare Slaney, where she writes bluntly and honestly about help addiction:
She links to an interview with Estela Welldon:
When we treat patients as poor souls in need of our expertise we distance ourselves from them and patronise them. As a matter of principle, we are all equals. And it’s dead true that therapy attracts do-gooders, people in massive need of care themselves who find satisfaction in exerting control over others. Therapists come into training because we’re interested in our own inner lives above and beyond almost everything else; we’re a desperately solipsistic lot and we’re all a bit bonkers. Therapists have to accept that about ourselves to keep the privileges that we’re given under control.
[Welldon] says she has an “enormous amount of violence myself, and I think the patients know that too.”
Hoorah. Many of us are seething with violence a lot of the time but we’ve learned to tone it down, disguise it, pretend it’s something else because that’s what gets rewarded and it’s why so much of Paganism is pathetic. Sitting with some friends the other day one said, ‘If one more person tells me I’m strong, I’ll scream.’ Another replied, ‘Tell them you’re not strong, you’re violent, that’ll shut them up,’ and we laughed with recognition and pleasure. Religions in particular tell us we must be meek and mild, totally accepting, utterly non-judgemental and it’s a very rare person who can come close to that even occasionally. Patients who are wild with fury, often very justifiably, don’t want to be met by someone who would really like them to talk about rainbows and puppies and the power of forgiveness. Whilst it’s often important for a woman patient to have a woman therapist there must also be room for a woman to meet with a male therapist who’s au fait with his responses to sex and gender and is comfortable with a woman who needs to rage or talk honestly about her dangerous feelings around her children. I’ve met too many women therapists who make their fear and disapproval of women’s rage and violence all too obvious.
I don’t have a solution to this, just a suggestion. Check how you communicate with people you help. If you are being helped, check how the helper communicates:
Here is the English study that these definitions come from:
involves being aware of and absorbing and understanding mental conditions in
oneself and others. Many mental processes are involved – not only thoughts and
emotions, but also needs, wishes and fantasies. In all social interactions, for
example in the relation between patient and doctor, the ability to perceive and
interpret the intentions, impressions and emotions of oneself and others is
emeritus at the unit for general medicine, University of Gothenburg, from his
article “Om läkares olika fallenhet att relatera till patienter”. The title can be roughly translated as “On doctors’ different ways of relating to patients”.
relating to patients, many of whom had mental problems:
and intent on understanding thoughts, emotions and impressions. Often able to
connect with the patients’ situation from a broad overview.
connection with other life situations. Limited interest and curiosity, uneven
seriousness and respect for the patient.
reflect much over their own role in the interaction. Might scoff at patients
with mental problems.
treatment. The doctors were neutral and did not wish to be involved in
psychological circumstances. The narratives of patients were considered
information to be fitted into a biomedical frame.
I’m posting a lot of links today, partly because they are links to interesting viewpoints and information, and partly because I’ll probably be quoting from them in later posts.
This one is from the blog of @DrDavidHealy, and it begins like this:
Today Psychodiagnosticator (@Huwtube) posted this in his blog:
I have been watching discussion about the latest CBTp trial with interest and some weariness.
The post and the comments section is interesting to a confused layperson like me, and somewhere in there Sarah Knowles writes what I have been thinking:
For me, one of the core values of the scientific method is the fact that you’re expected to change your mind based on the evidence, in which case the idea that scientists are just sticking to their guns regardless is very worrying.
Elke Geraerts,1,2 D. Stephen Lindsay,3 Harald Merckelbach,2 Marko Jelicic,2 Linsey Raymaekers,2
Michelle M. Arnold,1 and Jonathan W. Schooler4
University of St. Andrews, 2
Maastricht University, 3
University of Victoria, and 4
University of California, Santa Barbara
Friday, 14 February 2014
to «Please say the wonderful word”.
the wonder of this word, this concept:
it is natural to let others be the centre of their world.
Other than in the centre of
displace others from their rightful spot in the centre of their own world.
displacement from the centre of their own world.
self-less than of people who push into my space.
like a mother-in-law someone described once: “She is so invisible
that I keep bumping into her all the time.”
someone’s posterior in my breathing.